Finding My "Fierce"

I could never  have imagined how becoming a mother would change me. Maybe change isn't the right word...awaken. I could never have imagined how becoming a mother would have AWAKENED me. I remember sitting in a hypnobirthing class, listening to a guided meditation and being giving this image of a totally fierce, fiery version of me: an orange-y, red sort of super hero version of myself, with wild hair whipping in the wind  of my awesomeness. Let me pause here and qualify this by saying that I have never been super confident, that I have always sort of struggled with feeling rather "ho-hum," so to be faced with this "me" that was somehow primal, spiritual, and powerful all at once was foreign, but strangely familiar, as if I knew her from somewhere...

Pregnancy, and especially childbirth, unleashed Fierce Kate, all passionate and gritty and amazing. I discovered during this process that strength and serenity can actually coexist, and do so rather well. For the 24 hours that I was in labor, I was riding a wave of spiritual groundedness: I felt so connected to the earth, to nature, to life and simultaneously was transported to a spiritual place that made the whole thing seem like it was over in a flash. (If you are still reading this you either know what I'm talking about or think I'm completely full of shit. Either way, I encourage you to keep reading!) I remember the urge to push being something that came over me, not something that I controlled. The more I tried to control it, the more difficult it became. At one point, in the middle an intense urge to push, my midwife whispered to me, "melt around it." I did. And that completely transformed the most intense and difficult part of birthing a tiny being, into a beautiful letting- go experience in which I simply was present, in the moment. Letting each surge unfold without a fight, without any tension, any anxiety. I did nothing but allow my body to be and that is how my daughter was born. 

Sound a little too granola for you? It sounds a little too granola for me, and its MY STORY! What you must know about me is that  until very recently, I was a  generally pessimistic, glass-half-empty kind of girl. I was fully expecting to deliver the way every woman on the silver screen ever had: screaming and carrying on, demanding MORE DRUGS and proclaiming plans to destroy their husbands or partners as soon as they were finished delivering the baby.  I think this is why my birth experience was so transformative for me. It revealed something to me that I had always hoped was true, but could never be sure of: that in every woman there is an incredible, life-giving power that no other being on the planet shares. This paradoxical power is both raw and refined, commanding and gentle, unstoppable and yet somehow harnessed by all of us in our own unique ways.

I wanted to start a blog not to "hear myself talk," but to build a place where we all talk, share and gather strength. A place where we share our birth stories, our ever-day-life stories, our sorrows and joys.Women are in a unique position to change the world into a profoundly beautiful and nurturing place. I think we get intimidated by the state of the world and how overwhelming life can be and  lose sight of the fierce WOMAN inside... let's reclaim that. The world needs women. Strong women swirling with passion, love, tenderness, strength, power and steadfastness. The birth of my daughter showed me that that is what I am, that is what she is, that is what we all are.

What if each one of us found our " Fierce (insert your name here)"? She's in there, alright. And let me tell you what, since I met her, my glass is just plain full.